The ending to the Employer poem. It's a very rough draft, therefore it's a little weak. Opinions, criticisms?

Jack you have real talent indeed and I am slightly disappointed this descriptive poem/prose has ended as I quite enjoyed reading it. I do hear the faint yelps of some little commas and semicolons that are dying to be included in your paragraphs, however. The last two paragraphs were a bit difficult to read and at times I felt like the subject of the sentence was somewhere in the jungle of wonderful adjectives and imagery. But, as you have mentioned, it is a rough draft and I'd say it's an extremely strong one content-wise. As always, a true pleasure to read.