Weight loss nightmare?

I know what you are going to say already. Just implement a little exercise in your daily routine and cut back on your calories. Bull-Spit. I was always average. Size 8-10 in high school (average for a black woman) and then college. My parents got divorced and the cafeteria was all you can eat. They even had a desert bar. If I knew then what I know now. By my mid sopre to junior year I was a chunky monkey. (no pun intended brothers and sisters). I read a book about the Atkins diet and I dropped 35 pounds. I must have been feeling pretty smug because I didn't even notice gaining it all back with an 8 pound interest. Whew. And at 27-28 it is not really about looks and campus status. Well let's be honest I'm a woman, It's always about looks. But I'm concerned with my health as well. Everything bad seems to be tied into weight. Diabetes, cancer, high blood pressure, infertility, GERD, unemployment. Ok I might have embellished a little at the end, but unless your are a genius at whatever it is you do, that slim filly with equal qualifications will get a call back well before sister neck-bone. And I know what you're gonna say. I should love me; all of me. I read all of the self help books, articles, you tube videos but bump it. I can't stand me. As a matter of fact it's not even me. I'm trapped in here under this big girl. Help me out. Whatever it is I was able to do 4 years ago must have been a fluke because I can't seem to get it accomplished again. It's like the Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe, I can't find the flunking trap door. I am presently unemployed so I can't afford Jenny/20 Nutrisystem of weight watchers so what do I do. I tried the cabbage diet, Yikes! Lasted 3 1/2 days. There was sever weather and I was so nervous I ran right to the fridge.